1998 CMFCE ANNUAL CONFERENCE "Can
Legislation Lower the Divorce Rate"
David Blankenhorn, Michael McManus,
Katherine Spaht, & Scott Stanley
DAVID BLANKENHORN President, Institute for
American Values Author: Fatherless America
Welcome to this workshop! It is going to
be good. My name is David Blankenhorn and I will be the moderator.
We are going to get down to business here with three brief
presentations from our panelists, followed by discussion with you.
The topic, as you know, is "Can Legislation Lower The Divorce
Rate." I want to briefly give you four propositions. Some of my
panelist friends might want to disagree with me, but here goes. 1.
I want to suggest that marriage is, in part, a legal institution.
Marriage in all of Western history has certainly been understood to
contain a legal dimension. In a sense, I think to de dejuridify
marriage, either in fact or in our minds, to think of it as not
continuing a legal dimension is, in fact, to weaken it. 2. Law
affects behavior, in marriage as in any other area of life.
Corporate law affects the behavior of corporate executives and
employees. The rules of major league baseball affect the activities
of major league baseball players and the rules regarding the exit
and entry into marriage affect the behavior of people in that
institution. 3. The marriage movement should and does contain a
legal branch. 4. The question for this day, I would suggest, is not
so much (although you might want to disagree with me) whether there
is a legal branch to the marriage movement, but maybe the question
before us is which legal reforms now being proposed across the
country hold out the best opportunity for lowering the divorce
rate, strengthening marriage and building the capacity of a
marriage movement. That is the end of my introduction.
Let me introduce these terrific people.
You know Mike McManus from Marriage Savers. I guess if anybody has
"just kind of found it" the whole idea of community marriage
policies, the kind of Johnny Appleseed and his low-key and
understated manner helps him in this work! Scott Stanley from the
University of Denver literally wrote the book on a lot of the
marriage education programs and efforts. He has been working with
Howard Markman and others and is well-known to you as someone who
has been a pioneer in the area of marriage research and the
development of really important insights into the field of marriage
education. Scott Stanley, we are honored that you agreed to speak
to us. Katherine Spaht is from the LSU Law Center in Louisiana. A
couple of years ago she got the idea that there should be something
called covenant marriage and that Louisiana ought to be the first
place to have it. She began working with some of her friends who
were in the legislature. In June 23, 1997 Louisiana became the
first jurisdiction in the Western world to move away from no-fault
divorce, thanks in no small part to the vision, leadership and hard
work of Katherine Spaht. So, you could not have three better people
to talk to you about this. Each of them will get about 10 minutes
and then we will open it up for what I think ought to be a pretty
lively discussion. I asked Katherine to go first.
COMMENTS BY KATHERINE SPAHT: LSU Law
Center
Mine may take a little longer than 10
minutes because I need to explain, not only what I believe the
effect of law is on culture and human behavior, but also what
Louisiana's covenant marriage Law actually consists of. In fact, I
think probably two-thirds of the citizens of the State of Louisiana
do not know the entire content of the covenant marriage law. First,
I would say that whether or not law has an effect on culture has
been a matter of fierce debate for hundreds of years. I am sure we
will not solve that debate or resolve it in any kind of
satisfactory way for some sort of unanimous decision of this group.
But, I think it is fair to say that the law is, as to marriage
today, not neutral. It treats marriage as a contract that is
revocable at will by either party. It ensconces then an ideal in
the law that is the radical autonomy of the individual and the law
precludes the possibility of a fixed, permanent, lifelong
commitment. Once it is ensconced in the law, it becomes a part of
the moral ecology of the people. It shapes their attitudes and it
shapes their expectations. Thus, there is no doubt that there is an
inner relationship between culture, between human behavior and also
the law. Louisiana's legal heritage is tied to European continental
codifications. In European countries they accept the fact that the
purpose of the law is to lead citizens to virtue to teach them and
make them noble and wise. Such an approach is clearly reflected in
European family law. What the covenant law marriage in Louisiana,
and now in Arizona which became the second state to adopt covenant
marriage, signed by the Governor of Arizona on May 21, 1998,
represents is an opportunity for virtue, an opportunity to chose a
more binding commitment and to create what I think we must come to
accept. Two parents committed to each other in the lifelong
marriage is the optimal environment for rearing children, which is
the most important thing a human society can endeavor to do.
Communitarians refer to this opportunity as opportuning virtue. The
virtues are learning to keep one's promises, self-sacrifice,
altruism, and performing one's duties. What covenant marriage does
is to ensconce in the law the ideal that marriage is to be a
lifelong institution. It doesn't impose, but it permits couples to
chose this ideal, whereas present law now prohibits it. To that
extent, covenant marriage restores legal efficacy to the promises
that are made during the marriage ceremony. Covenant marriage was
envisioned as a way of strengthening marriage for the sake of the
children and strengthening the cultural perception of marriage as
the most important social institution. Secondly, it was envisioned
as a way (and this is less widely known) of revitalizing and
reinvigorating what we call mediating structures, human
communities, those that nourish and act as coffers between the
State and the individual. Principal among those which covenant
marriage encourages and reinvigorates, is the church. It invites
religion back into the public square to perform a function it is
uniquely situated to do, to preserve marriages. This is true by
virtue of its mall authority. The last is to accomplish greater
protection by giving more leverage to the spouse who keeps his or
her promises and desires to preserve the marriage. That is going to
require a little more explanation, but it is a phenomenon we
understand in the legal community as "bargaining in the shadow of
the law." It restores power to the spouse who wants to preserve the
marriage and in this context it is quite "innocent." How does
covenant marriage accomplish all of those objectives? First, for
the sake of the children to strength marriage, it does so by three
distinguishing features of a covenant marriage. Remember that a
covenant marriage is a choice that is made by a couple. The state
does not impose it, but offers the opportunity to couples. What is
also not as well known is that it is not only couples who are
engaged and getting married who may opt for a covenant marriage,
but already married couples may opt into what the media refer to
euphemistically as "the high-octane variety." Brigham Young has
referred to it as upgrading your marriage and I am one of those
upgraders from a standard to a covenant marriage. I have been
married for over 26 years, but as of November, in a covenant
marriage.
Covenant marriage strengthens marriage in
three different ways. First, there is mandatory premarital
counseling, only for those in a covenant marriage. The content of
the premarital counseling is to consist of information and
exhortation about the seriousness of marriage and about the
intention of the couple that it is to be a lifelong commitment.
This gives the opportunity to discuss at the very outset before the
marriage is celebrated, how serious an endeavor this is, that it be
the intention of the two parties that it be lifelong. A
conversation necessarily has to take place in which the two parties
exchange notions about their own expectations concerning marriage.
It is a conversation that now nothing requires, the law included,
take place. The second feature which distinguishes it and one of
the purposes, of course, is to strengthen marriage, is that at the
time they sign the declaration - the husband and wife; that is, the
declaration of a covenant marriage. In that declaration there is a
legally binding agreement that if difficulties arise during the
marriage, they will take all reasonable steps to preserve the
marriage, including marital counseling. That agreement, as I said,
is legally enforceable, permitting then one spouse to enforce, and
there are different remedies, that agreement to seek a preservation
of the marriage. It is a form of, in a sense, mandatory pre-divorce
counseling.
Lastly, and of course this is the feature
of covenant marriage that has received so much press attention.
There are limited grounds for divorce, so it is more difficult to
terminate a covenant marriage and more time-consuming. First, more
time-consuming because the well-known "no-fault divorce" in a
covenant marriage requires living separate and apart for two years
in a standard or euphemistically known as "low octane marriage" 180
days living separate and apart is enough to get a divorce. So the
time period is lengthier. I have heard at least one minister refer
to that two-year period as the opportunity to permit marital
counseling to work. One hundred and eighty days is just too short a
period of time to have effective counseling so as to seek to
effectively preserve the marriage.
The second and more controversial aspect
of this third feature of covenant marriage is that it reintroduces
broader notions of objective fault into the marital relationship.
There are four fault grounds for divorce in a covenant marriage and
they reflect collectively, society's condemnation of certain
conduct in the marital relationship that is sufficiently offensive
to society that society is willing to permit one spouse to
terminate this relationship that has so much importance to the rest
of his, that we all intended to be lifelong when it was contracted.
One such ground is physical or sexual abuse of a spouse or a child
of the parties. It is for the first time, grounds for divorce in
Louisiana; before 1997 it was not. It is only in a covenant
marriage. In a standard marriage it is not grounds for a divorce.
What this says, of course, is strong - that this person has been at
fault and the fault is so serious that the other spouse who has
been offended by that cruelty may seek a divorce. This represents
covenant marriage as to limiting grounds for divorce and David has
referred to it. The first time in over 200 years in any Western
country in which divorce has become more difficult, rather than
easier, hence, not only the national publicity but international
publicity the legislation has received. The second objective, of
course, was to strengthen these mediating structures - the church,
inviting the church back in. How does it do that? Ministers,
priests, rabbis or secular marriage counselors, of course. Most, or
a lot of the people who are in attendance here would fall within
that category, are to provide the premarital counseling. It gives
then religious clerics the opportunity to establish a relationship
with the couple at the time of premarital counseling to emphasize
the seriousness of marriage, but from their standpoint the
religious view of marriage, to discus the inevitable challenges,
but also the inevitable rewards of a marriage that it is lifelong
and as important, to communicate to the couple society's
expectation reflected first in the members of the congregation, but
then of course, in a broader community sense, what expectations
society has for this couple that this marriage will be lifelong. It
also permits them in developing this relationship to sow the seeds
of counseling for later instances in which marital difficulties
arise, that this step that they will work to preserve their
marriage through counseling.
The last is that greater protection to the
spouse who keeps his or her promises, more leverage if preserving
the marriage becomes impossible. Essentially what I mean by that is
that during this two-year period in which the spouse who has left
or has found someone else cannot get a divorce, the innocent
spouse, the one who kept his or her promises and wishes to preserve
the marriage, exclusively has the right to seek a divorce. So, all
of the power is restored to the power who is innocent and wants to
preserve this marriage. If the attempts to preserve the marriage
force the other, encourage the other during this period of time to
seek marital counseling fails, at the very least this party will
have bargaining power to negotiate on behalf of himself or herself,
or more importantly the children for greater financial and economic
protection. The example I use in Louisiana is the fact that we do
not permit post majority child support. At the time at which
children become the most expensive, age 18, college education, the
spouse who is the noncustodial parent has no responsibility to
support them at all. For the innocent spouse who is concerned about
the children, this gives leverage so that you can say, "I alone
have the right to get this divorce within the two-year period and I
will do it under the following circumstances" so that you will be
free to do whatever it is you want to do. That is, you set up a
trust fund for the childrens' college education. It give power
back, where if power is not there for the spouse who deserves and
seeks to preserve the marriage.
What has happened since it passed, of
course, David as alluded to that as have I, covenant marriage
legislation has been introduced in approximately 20 states. It is,
of course, law in Arizona as of May 21, 1998. They had to accept
more political compromises than we did, so their covenant marriage
law is what I would consider a bit weaker, but they came from a far
more liberal position. They had nothing but no-fault divorce in
Arizona, so they came a long way with covenant marriage. It passed
in two legislatures, one house, in George and Oklahoma before it
was deferred in committee in the other houses. It is still pending
in two legislatures, one of which is Virginia. The first time it
came up for a vote it deadlocked in committee 12/12. It will be
voided again before the end of the calendar year. It is pending, I
believe, in North Carolina and it was introduced in May. In at
least two states it is still pending. There are at least two other
states who did not introduce it this year who have committed to
introducing it in 1999. In Louisiana, what we know about the
figures? We know very little far in terms of the numbers. Last week
I received a communication from Bill Barlow who is the Director of
the Department of Vital Statistics in New Orleans. The figures are
coming in slowly. They are required to be compiled by the end of
June but those who send in the marriage records are local Clerks of
Court and we have 64. They are political office because the Clerk
of Court is elected in that little body, so getting the information
is a difficult thing. He hopes to have preliminary figures by the
end of July.
The title of the panel is "Can Legislation
Lower America's Divorce Rate?" We will know a partial answer in
five years. The National Science Foundation has given a grant to
Steve Knock who is here from the University of Virginia. He is a
sociology professor and has submitted a grant proposal entitled
"Can Louisiana's Covenant Marriage Law Solve American's Divorce
Problem?" He was given a grant. All of the questionnaires have been
prepared, the focus groups conducted and the gallop organization
will begin polling this summer, in fact they have already started
to get a baseline for this particular study. It is proposed to be a
five-year study, not only covering those couples who opt into
covenant marriage and whether their marriage is still in existence
five years later, but also those who didn't. More broadly, what
change, if any, in attitudes in Louisiana among its citizens are
reflected by virtue of covenant marriage and the attention it has
received. I will tell you, not much from local media. There has
been a total freeze-out on the covenant marriage legislation, and
that is a long story. In addition, Brigham Young has a Center of
Family Life and they have thrown in another large pot of money to
study those who convert already existing marriages to covenant
marriage. They are interested in that aspect. What would cause
people like me to upgrade their marriages through a covenant
marriage. I think they are going to find that at the end of the
first year, by virtue of covenant marriage weekends held in
interested churches in Louisiana on the weekend of February 14 and
15, approximately 3000 to 4000 couples converted their marriages to
covenant. So that will surely be the first wave of conversions.
This summer Brigham Young agreed to finance its Center the
identical study in Arizona, so they will be duplicated in two
different states over a five-year period. The questions that I
suppose may not be answered by any of us, but it will be ultimately
five years hence by at least the beginning of empirical
information.
COMMENTS BY MICHAEL MCMANUS Marriage
Savers Author: Marriage Savers
It is a pleasure to be here with you all.
I'm not an expert in the law, as Katherine Spaht is. She is a
lawyer and a teacher of the law. She drafted the law in Louisiana,
so she is really the expert on the law. I am a great supporter of
this law. I have written columns supporting it. I believe that the
law does, in fact, shape our attitudes. We know from studies of
what happened when no-fault divorce moved through the system, one
study of 50 states showed that on average the increase in the
divorce rate within a year or two of passage of that law, there was
a 25 percent jump in the divorce rate. It is understandable why
this is so. In the past if you wanted a divorce from your spouse,
there was a price to be paid. You would have to prove that your
partner was at fault and if you wanted out of the divorce and you
were at fault, then you would have to give up, perhaps ownership of
the house or you would have to pay alimony to your spouse or some
other consequences, and no-fault divorce basically erased in large
measure any penalty for getting out of the marriage. What is more,
it paid a premium for those who wanted to do it. So if, for
example, a man of 40 years old said, "I'm falling in love with this
girl who is 28" and he decides to ditch his wife, he can say, "Now
sell the house, I want my 50 percent". So he has a "grub stake" to
set up a new household. He puts his wife and children into poverty
and does it unilaterally whether she wants it or not. If you buy a
new car on a four-year plan and you pay three hundred dollars a
month for this car and after say two years you decide you want to
trade your car in - you want to break the civil contract with the
dealer, you can take your car back and say, "I want to shift to a
different car and I would like to have my money back for what I
paid in on this car and here is car back." They would laugh at you
and say, "You paid two years into this car. We are going to keep
that money and we will also keep the car, thank you!" There is a
price paid for breaking a civil contract. Marriage is the only
contract in the country in which there is no price to be paid and
that is wrong, it is morally wrong. We need to change the law. The
better way to change the law is to try to reform no-fault divorce,
at least for those marriages where there are children. Katherine
and others have tried to get that kind of law through our
legislatures and failed. The reason it is difficult to get it
through is not a mystery. There are lawyers on the judiciary
committees, many of whom are divorced lawyers. To be blunt about
it, they are not about to push through a law which will hurt there
business.
What the covenant law does is give couples
a choice as to whether this is going to be a permanent marriage or
not. With certain sanctions that you have heard explained, should
you chose later to change your mind, it is much harder to get out
of the marriage and it is a two-year waiting period and mandatory
counseling. All of those things are likely to preserve marriages.
What disappoints me about the law, and Katherine was starting to
give the numbers, but she said that we don't have them yet because
all of these people haven't reported. But, as I understand it, for
the first six months only that 1 percent of couples getting married
in this state had chosen a covenant marriage certificate. Frankly,
that is not going to affect the divorce rate. We have got to get
those numbers up to 30 to 50 percent before you are going to even
begin to affect the divorce rate in a state. I put the primary
blame for the lack of endorsement of the covenant marriage law
partly on my perspective of journalism because the press in
Louisiana has not given this much coverage and certainly not
favorable coverage. The greater blame I would put on the church
community itself. I write a syndicated column called "Ethics and
Religion." I wrote a column taking to task the Catholic church in
Louisiana for opposing this law. They did not oppose it during the
legislative process, they opposed its implementation. They said, we
don't believe in divorce at all; therefore we cannot endorse a
covenant marriage law which allows divorce in some circumstances
which is perfectly ludicrous because the covenant marriage law
comes much closer to the Catholic ideal than does this law of the
standard marriage law which is a marriage certificate written with
disappearing ink. It would seem to me to be in the Catholic
Church's interest to encourage every Catholic getting married in
the state to have a covenant marriage certificate because it comes
much closer as a legal document to the ideal the Catholic church
espouses. The Baptist of the state did not endorse covenant
marriage law until about November or December, four or five months
after the thing was passed. The National Southern Baptist
Convention endorsed it again in Utah at their annual convention
there which is good, and that might help get the law passed in
other states. Assemblies of God have endorsed it, but the Methodist
have opposed it and the Episcopalians have opposed it. They say
that we don't want the state telling the church what to do with
regard to marriages. Well, if the state had said something foolish,
it would be one thing, but to try to say that you want to preserve
marriages, presumably that is in the Methodist's interest and the
Episcopalian's interests. I don't understand what the matter with
these churches in Louisiana.
I want to tell you about a new law that
was passed in Florida and some of you have heard about it. It is
also important because it gives us another kind of benchmark,
another kind of model for what might be passed in your states. Some
of you heard Elaine Blume when you were in the plenary section when
she described this law. She was pushed into courage to pursue this
by a man who is a real estate developer and owner of a car lot or
something like that who read my book. He got excited about it and
went to her and that was one of the reason that helped get that
through, so I am kind of pleased about that. He wrote a letter to
me and said, "this is your law." It's not my law - it's their
law.
In any case, what is says is four things.
1. It actually mandates high school students to take a course in
marriages. We heard from two students in the first plenary section
(those of you who were here) who took a similar course in
Philadelphia. They said, "I really learned how to communicate in
this course and I learned to stop using "you" statements and
learned to say "I" statements. I found it very effective in talking
to my parents, my teachers and talking to people at work, not just
with people of the opposite sex." So their communication skills
were improved. Presumably, if that is the kind of thing that is
going to be taught in Florida schools, this is going to be good for
everybody.
2. The law gives a thirty dollar reduction
in the price of a marriage license if you take four hours of
premarital preparation. That should be enough of a "kick in the
pants" to the churches who do not do marriage preparation to start
doing it. They can now register at St. Timothy's Catholic Church or
First Baptist Church, or whatever the name of the church, their
program with the local county. People coming to get married in that
county can decide whether they are going to pay a counselor for
four hours of marriage preparation or are they going to go for free
to First Baptist. I presume this might encourage some people to go
to churches to get marriage preparation and would not be getting it
otherwise; not just because of the thirty dollar encouragement,
although that is something, but there is a bias here from the state
to say that we think marriage preparation is important. Even though
it is not required in the law, it is encouraged and that is a
healthy thing.
3. The fourth element of it that seems to
be healthy is that the state has asked the Bar Association to draft
a pamphlet that describes the legal consequences of marriage and
divorce. For example, if a person has custody of children, do they
have the right to move out of the state, away from the other
partner of the marriage. The answer is no, you don't in Florida. It
is useful to have that kind of information available to the average
citizen which has not been generally available, and make it
available during the time of marriage preparation. The people
giving the marriage licenses will ask, "Did you read that
pamphlet?" Obviously, people could lie about it, but again, it is
an encouragement to become better informed and it seems that on the
whole that is healthy.
4. There is a new statement that if a
couple is getting divorced and they have children, they not only
have to take a parenting class, but they have to take parenting in
a class which trains in communication and conflict resolution.
Furthermore, it has to be begun within 30 days of the filing of the
divorce petition and not at the end of the time when the divorce is
final. Hopefully, that is going to encourage some couples to
realize that maybe we can improve our communication and save this
marriage. It would be easier to make the marriage work than try to
make the divorce work for children. Hopefully, that will cut the
divorce rate.
Those are the four things that I think are
useful. But I have to say that my conclusion in general is that the
law can only work at the margins of this issue. I think the
greatest gains in terms of saving marriages is going to come
through the church sector which takes marriages more seriously than
it has in the past. My evidence for that is that it at least in the
16 cities where we have data, looking at the number of divorces
before a community marriage policy was adopted that my organization
works with, and looking at the results up to 11 years later, the
divorce rate in 16 out of 18 cities where we have checked have come
down. They are up in two states but down in the rest. They are down
dramatically as much as 10 times the drop of the number of divorces
in the country as a whole. For example, in New Castle, Indiana the
divorces were down 9 percent in the first year. Nationally, divorce
is only down 1.6 percent in 11 years. New Castle, Indiana, by
adopting a community marriage policy, has pushed the divorced rate
down in one year's time, six times the nation drop in one-eleventh
of the time. That's 66 times better than the national average. That
is statistically significant. I doubt you are going to see numbers
like that as a result of any of either the Florida law or the
Louisiana law. So, we need to change the law and we need to make
the law more equitable. We need to level the playing field so that
people who are getting married or getting divorced have a more
equitable arrangement than is now possible in most states. I would
like to propose a new idea of what we might try to seek in the law,
and that is this: Phyllis Richards sitting here in the second row
has been an advocate of this for some years. Here is how it would
work. If you want a divorce from your spouse, you can get one, but
you are going to pay a price for it. The price would be in the
splitting of the property settlement and in who has custody of the
children. We could pass a law that says if you want a divorce and
you're going to back out of your marriage, then you don't 50
percent of the value of the house. You maybe get 75 (??) percent or
less, and at fault (?) is proven to have zero. That would make a
lot of people work at their marriage rather than try to dump a
spouse for someone younger. That may be a harder law to pass, but
one of the advantages of the laws that are already beginning to
move through is that you begin to think about what is the new
generation law we would like to see. This would not be a reform of
no-fault divorce, but you would have to pay an economic penalty
should you unilaterally decide to break this particular marriage.
That would be my suggestion for what ought to do in the next few
years, in addition to trying to pass covenant marriage laws and the
Florida kind of thing. I'm surprised that the covenant marriage law
is even controversial. I am surprised there aren't more state that
have passed it. All we are trying to do is give people a
choice.
I debated with the ACLU about this on
MS-NBC. They hooked me up with this lady in Louisiana who was
opposed to this and, as I remember it, she was the only
organization that opposed it in Louisiana. She said, this is
forcing right-wing Christianity's morals on the public. I said,
"wait a minute, no one is forcing anybody to do anything; this is
giving people a choice to choose a high octane marriage or to
choose a low octane marriage. I thought the ACLU was interested in
choice and interested in freedom. You're saying you want to deny
the freedom of some people to choose a higher octane marriage. You
are opposed to freedom!" I didn't really think she answered the
charge in an effective way. At any rate, there are lawyers who
oppose this in Arizona and some other people such as battered
women's groups said this is going to be terrible. But at least it
got through in Arizona. I think we are going to see more states
pass the covenant marriage law. It is very important that there be
a coalition of religious leadership in the state to help formulate
what that law is and have a voice in it. That was one thing that
was not done in Louisiana and it is one of the reasons that the
churches have been anywhere from lackadaisical to hostile about the
support of the Louisiana initiative. That is my ten-minute
overview.
COMMENTS BY SCOTT STANLEY University of
Denver Author: The Heart of Commitment
I am Scott Stanley. I want to make a
number of comments, so I won't be as brief as I think I'm going to
be. I want to preference my comments by saying a little about who I
am so that are comments are understood well. I am much more hanging
around the academic side of things. I am a social conservative and
a conservative Christian, but I am also, as Mike and David know
well, coming from this side of some of this issues. I have also
raised a lot of concerns about the different kinds of legislation
that can be enacted and some of the unintended consequences that I
think can happen if the laws are not very carefully conceived. In
fact, we had a very nice discussion in this conference last year
when we discussed these matters. I am delighted to start with the
fact that the law, for example, in Louisiana is a very nice example
of addressing most of the kinds of concerns that I was raising at
that time.
SIDE B OF THE TAPE
Here's what I think those behind the laws
could watch out for. Here is where the academics are going to hit
you hard later. Here are the kind of questions that are going to be
asked and the kind of data that people are going to want to see. I
just want to say that, but recognize up front, coming from somebody
who is very friendly to the movement. I want to use my background.
I want to use my background as a researcher to say, "here are the
issues that are going to be raised." Overall, I am very encouraged
and I think there is good news here. One of the things that I think
is the best is news in all of what is going on is that while the
media may not be doing it to some degree (and they are in some
degree) these kinds of things, this sort of meeting, these kinds of
legal changes. these kinds of discussions would not have been
happening a few years ago. There is something going on in this
country and whether the media wants to recognize it at this point,
that's is all our business, but maybe we could put some of them out
of business! There is something going on. These kinds of meetings
and discussions, if nothing else, and I think they do much more
than nothing else, this discussion is happening. People are
interested in what is going on and it is good to see these things
happening, whether there those discussions are in state
legislatures or CNN or MS-NBC or even the ACLU.
Now, having said that, here are some of
the kinds of concerns and issues that I think are raised, at least
how I would articulate them. For example, in the changes to raise
the barriers to get out of marriage, I am mostly personally
sympathetic to those kinds of changes. However, the concern could
be expressed this way and those of you that heard my plenary this
morning, I'll use my terminology in terms of commitment theory.
What that does, those changes will raise constraint; they don't
necessary raise dedication. The concern is that we can get more
people staying together, but can we get more good marriages. That
is really the goal. You have the least division on the goal of
having more good marriages in this country. However, you can get
some pretty good division on that one too, depending on who you
like to talk to, or don't like to talk to. That is the concern.
Does increasing constraint commitment do much for dedication. I
want to tell you theoretically there is evidence that it will do
something for dedication. There is some evidence that greater
constraint ultimately can leak back toward increased dedication in
much the way that I think you articulated, Katherine, in your
talking that there is this sense that when somebody has really
committed themselves to a path, there are a little more deliberate
and careful about their decisions when they get in trouble. Carol
Russbult's research has some very nice data on this and I will use
an illustration that I got from Pat Love yesterday. She used my
computer to give her PowerPoint presentation this morning, so I was
showing her the buttons on computer - sort of a new thing for her.
I said, "well here is the button to go forward and here's the one
to go back." She said, "No, I don't want the backward button, I'm
only going forward." I said, "Well that what we try to teach
couples in PREP to keep going forward and don't go back." She said
it reminded her of the time she was moving across the country and
packed up all her belongings and had a U-Haul truck with one of
those trailers which was pulling her Ford Pinto behind it. The guys
said to her, "you're going to be fine, you can do this. But there
is one thing, you cannot back. It will ruin the gears in your pinto
if you back up." So she had to get across the country thinking very
carefully, "I can only go forward." When you can only go forward
and you cannot back up, you park very carefully. You think very
carefully about what street you turn down. There are some roads you
don't go down because you have to back up to get out. There is this
sense that when there is increased constraint, maybe there is some
increased deliberateness of the choices that are made. I think
there would be some effect there.
COMMENTS BY ______________________________
Does academics say that, the relationship between strength and
dedication? Are there studies?
COMMENTS BY SCOTT STANLEY
There is not a lot of data on this, but
Carol Russbult, in particular, has some data that shows that people
perceive their alternatives to be poorer to the relationship, when
times get tough, they are more likely to make more constructive
choices. There is a sense that this is the boat I'm in, I might as
well quite shooting holes in the bottom of it. I do want to suggest
though, I think that is not a huge link. There is a linkage there
between constraint being converted back into dedication in my
terminology, but the preferred thing is to help people get more
dedicated to begin with and to stay there. I don't think anybody
can reasonably argue with that. Of course, the biggest concern
about the no-fault and changing that is that John Gottman expressed
the prevailing dominant view in academia at this point that kids do
better off in marriages that split up if the couples are not going
to learn how to quit handling conflict poorly. I am not sure it is
quite as clear as some of those people say, by the way. I think
psychologists look at one part of the literature and sociologist
look at a different part of literature and you get a different
answer in those different literatures, in my viewpoint. I am just
raising the complexities here. I am not trying to sort of push one
way or another, although I will tell you where I do want to push in
some ways.
Another area of interest, and David and
Mike you know me well about this, I have had a great concern all
along as a Christian, not as a researcher, about the non
choice-oriented mandated forms of the government doing something in
terms of premarital counseling. I will tell you what my concern it
and then I want to wrap it back to the choice part. Again, what I
like about the Louisiana law is that it has the choice stuff in
there and took away a whole lot of concerns and criticisms. I will
still raise this one though and it is this way. This is more as a
religious person raising this concern. You have heard me say before
that I think the mental health movement in this country did more to
take the power away from the church to intervene and help people in
their daily lives than any single thing that has ever happened. I
am a psychologist and in some ways I am part of the mental health
movement. I don't want to knock the whole mental health movement.
Let me tell you where I think the church lost the power and the
moral authority in people's lives. As the mental health movement
grew, states began regulating it. When states start to make law,
the regulations will then be enacted by bureaucrats at some level.
Bureaucrats in many government positions tend not to be, on
average, necessarily that conservative in their enactment of the
laws of their friendliness toward perhaps sort of religious
positions, for example. A lot of the mental health laws, frankly,
have intimidated the heck out of clergy about intervening in things
that just would have naturally done before in the lives of people.
People will come to clergy way sooner. There is clear date on this
kind of thing. They will come to a clergy member far before they
are going to come to a psychologist or a mental health person or
that kind of thing. But as these laws governing the practice of
mental health took affect, the boards under those laws that
implement the laws, start developing regulations about who can do
counseling and who cannot. You have a lot of clergy now very scared
to do just basic kinds of counseling activities with people that
they used feel very comfortable to intervene. One of things that I
really like that you said, and I want to use your words, "inviting
the church back in." There are a lot of things the church or
synagogues and the religious community has been kicked out of where
they used to have preeminent influence. My fear with the total
mandating approach - and I'm glad to say that I don't hear any
states doing this - but I had a great fear about this a year ago
that some states would, is that in mandating premarital counseling
without choice or without an incentive model. Either one sounds
better to me. Florida has gone the incentive route and Louisiana
has gone the choice route. Either one helps get around this. But if
a state just says you will do this, and then what they are going to
do is, they are going to regulate it. Once those boards some
together regulating it, they will be deciding what is in premarital
education, who does the premarital education and who is qualified
to do it. Let me tell you - again, I am a therapist and I'm a
psychologist so this could sound a little negative about mental
health - there are a lot of people in mental health because of
managed care that are looking for things to do. The mental health
movement is going to really jump on trying to be the one in the
preeminent position to do the premarital counseling in these
states. I just guarantee you that and I think that is what is
happening in Florida. What happens or what my fear is, and it could
be a fear either with the incentive or the choice laws even, but I
am much less concerned about it with those laws is that we will do
another giveaway essentially of a whole area of moral authority
from the church to the state. The state will be regulating and the
church will be kicked out again in some area the religious
organizations, churches and synagogues had been
preeminent.
QUESTION from DAVID BLANKENHORN
Does that concern relate also to the part
of the Florida law that tells the 9th and 10th grade students to
study this in school?
Well, you know where the fun part of that
begins is what is in the curricula. I mean, who can't see that one
coming.
QUESTION/COMMENTS SCOTT STANLEY
That seems to me to be the apropos
point.
That's okay, we all agree on this, now
what goes in that. We heard the train coming. So, I am concerned
about that. I am not as concerned in the choice laws and the
incentive laws, but I am still concerned about that because at some
point if it turns into a regulatory agency saying what should be in
these programs or that kind of thing, I guarantee you that the
religious organizations lose on that equation once the government
marches down that path. Government does not give up a lot once it
takes it. Maybe that was a little overly conservative.
If you research these kinds of points - -
and then I will sit down. This is more pure, sort of scientific
kinds of concerns and these are the sort of questions that I think
will be asked later. One of the things I love about the Louisiana
law - - Glen Stanton and I had a nice long phone call (and he
cannot be here with us today) but I think the day this was passed
he called me up and we had a really great talk about. We shared
some perspectives on a number of things and he and I see eye-to-eye
on just many things. Here are some of the kinds of things that I
think need to be looked out for carefully. What I love about it is
that they are doing it. Now we can watch and see what happens. I
love it that NIH is going to fund some study of it. But here are
some of the things that people are going to what to know really
carefully what happens. This gets into the category of unintended
consequences. In any state that starts to make it even more
difficult to either get into marriage or get out marriage or both,
will we probably, I think, see a lower divorce rate, but will we
also see a lower marriage rate? The marriage rate, of course,
already going down, but will it be accelerated in the states that
make the barriers higher to get in and out. I am not even sure yet
and I wasn't sure a year ago, whether that is good or bad. I can
sort of see it either way. it is an interesting to watch for
statistically.
COMMENTS from MIKE MCMANUS
I can tell you that in one of the counties
which has adopted a community marriage policy where it was
organized by a judge - - where a community marriage policy was
adopted in Adrian, Michigan under the leadership of Judge Jim
Sheridan and he got all of the judges to agree and all those who do
civil marriages, mayors and so on, to agree that if you want to be
married with a civil marriage in that state, you have to take a
premarital inventory and be trained in communication and conflict
resolution. There has been a drop in the marriage rate in the
county - a fairly substantial drop, maybe 25 percent. One of those
who got married in a neighboring county was before the judge about
a month ago. He was before the judge for having beaten up his wife.
The judge said to him, "now, I noticed you got married in Toledo,
why did you do that. Was it because we have this requirement that
you have to take marriage preparation." He said, "yes, your honor."
The judge said, "let see now, I am going to fine you a thousand
dollar for beating up your wife and you are going to be in jail for
a week, then you are going to have to do 130 hours of community
service. So if you had gone to that marriage class you might have
learned how to control your anger in a more effective way. What do
you think would have been the better choice." He said, "well, I
guess I shot myself in my foot, your honor."
COMMENTS from SCOTT STANLEY
And a lot of other places! I will just
make a few more comments and then I will sit down as well and we
will see where the discussion goes. The most interesting data to me
to track in Louisiana, for example, is not - - again this is the
researcher side of me (otherwise I am very sympathetic to this
law). I am not really interested in the data about the different
divorce rate in the covenant marriages and the marriage light
marriages, the reason being they have such a total selection
effect. I know what that data is going to be. I guarantee you the
divorce rate will be dramatically lower for the covenant marriages.
It has got to be because you are basically having more committed
people who are going to select that in the first place. What the
really interesting data is - - What's the divorce rate for the
whole state going to be. This the area where I am most excited
about all of these trends in society. We have to get marriage on
the table as something to discuss and beyond the discussion,
something to lift up and restore some honor to in the country,
because without the institution receiving a greater sense of
value.....by the way, I think some of the preeminent value of some
of the legal changes that are possible is in the broader message to
society, saying we value marriage. Marriage is not valued in our
culture at this point and the value of something, as Gary said last
night, is very much related to the motivation to do certain things
within it. So, if we cannot lift up the institution in some ways,
nothing else that we do or that anybody conceives or argues about
in the movement, I think, will have much effect.
I will just close with one quick anecdote.
Colorado changed its law and it has not gotten as much attention
for the good thing done in Colorado. It changed its law some time
ago where now you can get married in Colorado without even having
anybody officiate. We are going the other way. In Colorado you can
now go to the government agency. There is no official, no justice
of the peace and no clergy. You fill out the form and then you turn
it in and you are married. I must say, there is a rather beautiful
ceremony connected with this law because it does say specifically
in the law that you have to fill out the form and then step back
from the counter, and then bring the form back! It's a beautiful
thing to see! We're heading the other way.
COMMENTS by DAVID BLANKENHORN
In New Jersey a couple of weeks ago, they
just passed legislation lowering the waiting period for a
unilateral, no-fault divorce from 18 months to six months on the
theory that 18 months was just too long. I think the divorce rate,
it seems to me, is likely to go up if that becomes law. These are
three terrific leaders and intellects. Most of you know these
people, but really, I think we should thank them again...not only
for their presentations but for the work, really first rate. A lot
of good stuff is on the table. I think the drill is to go to the
mic and address your, hopefully, questions, maybe a comment or two
will slip in.
COMMENTS by FRANK WILLIAMS:
Hopefully, comments are allowed! I am
Frank Williams. Just a little bit about my background. I just
retired after 20 years of being on the faculty at the University in
Family Studies. I am a United Methodist minister by background,
having been in the church for 15 years and then remaining active
after that. Now I am Education Training Director for a counseling
agency in Tucson.
It was interesting, partly because the
covenant marriage law was turned down three times this last year
before it got passed by a kind of round about way. We need to
understand that the round about way was that it was added to a bill
that needed to go through. It was one of those undermining things.
I was very strongly in opposition to it, so you need to know where
I come from a social liberal and not a social conservative, and as
a Methodist liberal and not a Methodist conservative. I have a lot
of questions about it and I think there is not anything wrong with
that. I happen to agree with the Florida law and appreciate it. I
happen to have been one who for years in Arizona sought to get a
family life education bill passed so that education could be taught
in schools. It was opposed by the conservatives over those five
years and strongly voted down again and again, mainly because they
did not like what it might be. We had no idea about what it would
be, but what it might be - the fear of sex education basically. The
fear that I have around a lot of it was that we were undermining
the real possibility of education that could be done. By the way,
there are those of us who have already begun the process of trying
to get it repealed next year and we will see. You can talk to me
afterwards if you wish to on that.
One of the questions I have - and Scott,
this is partly for you, because I am an academic and have done the
training and work in academia as well as on the front lines, is in
relationship to cohabitation. What I discover is that as we have
made marriage more difficult and divorce more difficult too, that
we have also found that there has been a rise, at least in some
places, in cohabitation. I know and you know that cohabitation is
not any more steady, in fact, it has more difficulties. People who
cohabit are more likely to get divorced than those who get married.
I am strong proponent of marriage - don't get me wrong. I also know
and fear what might happen in terms of people living together and
cohabitation and without the benefit of marriage and without the
benefit of any kind of legal arrange, without the benefit of any
protection for children which come out of that experience as well.
We are seeing a rise, at least in Arizona, of none (and I think we
have the distinction of being one of the higher states) of having a
higher rate of births to unmarried parents of any other state in
the country. I fear that. I think my fear is that as we make
marriage more difficult, as we make it harder to get into marriage,
that we are going to see a higher rate of cohabitation and a higher
rate of people living together and a higher rate of children coming
from the experience. That is a question.
COMMENTS BY DAVID BLANKENHORN Okay, let's
get a couple on the table and then we can go down and
respond.
DON BROWNING: Co-Author: From Culture Wars
to Common Ground : Religion and the American Family
Debate
I am Don Browning. Over the last six or
seven years I have been conducting the religion, culture and family
project at the University of Chicago which was speeded up a chance
to kind of re-avail for myself, and I hope other people, a good
deal of the history of western thought with regard to religion and
family and law and other matters. Let me just say this. I am going
to make a plug. I don't think that anybody ought to go further with
this discussion about the relationship between the church and the
state with regard to marriage and divorce without reading John
Witte's From Sacrament To Contract. The subtitle is "Marriage and
Law in the Western Tradition." Now that book states the issue of
the relationship to church and state with regard to marriage and
divorce. Here are a couple of things that come out in that book.
From one perspective from the standpoint of the reformation, one of
the greatest accomplishments that occurred was the giving of
marriage to the state. Interestingly enough, there is a covenant
theology that applied only to marriage, but the covenant theology
applied to the state. The state has a covenant and a covenant stake
in marriage. Now that sounds like a weird idea today. That is
because we have seen, in the meantime, what is called the
secularization of the secular. The secular realms was not in a
completely secular realm during the reformation. It was just the
left hand, the non-saving aspect of God's kingdom. The secular has
been profoundly secularized and we know that. But from the
standpoint of Christians, at last I think we can develop the
hypothesis that the state has a stake in marriage and that
Christians can say, "can we help the state fulfill its
obligations." What happened in the reformation is that marriage
became public, almost for the first time that it had in the West.
Think of that accomplishment. It became active public
responsibility when, during the period of time before the
reformation, marriage was primarily under the control of the
church. It sounds good! You had the phenomenon of secret or
clandestine marriage, unwitnessed, non-public marriage. Basically,
you could be married before the reformation in the Catholic period
because if two people that were baptized had consent, you were
married. Even the church didn't have to bless it. To make marriage
public was an enormous accomplishment in the West. I see no way to
actually do that thoroughly and completely without state
involvement in some way or other.
So, I am saying, let's begin to think of
creative ways for church - state partnerships. I think rightly
conceived and rightly argued, those kinds of partnerships can be
developed again. Once again, Katherine, your phrase, inviting the
church back in was a very telling phrase. It is one thing to say
it, it is another thing to accomplish it, and it is another thing
to develop the theological and public philosophy of rhetorics that
help people understand that. Historically, that is what we had in
the West and we ought to try to find a way to do it again and to
keep that church - state balance. That way you will have marriage
fully accountable to special communities as well as a public
good.
COMMENTS BY DAVID BLANKENHORN Don, you are
very involved in the whole mental health world. What do you make of
Scott Stanley's point.
COMMENTS BY DON BROWNING
Well, it is a very good point. It did
happen and it does happen. We gave a lot of the authority of
marriage away to the mental health community of the church - there
is no doubt about that, especially to the mental health community
because we have plenty of evidence. It is almost the most secular
of all of the professions. But that can be critiqued. The
secularity of the mental health professions is a poorly grounded
reality. It is being critiqued now by a variety of people. It is a
danger to be confronted and I would rather confront the danger than
to be so fearful that state accountability would undermine the
validity of the church that we would miss what has really been the
genius of the western system since the reformation.
COMMENTS BY
____________________________________ The first man asked a question
that hasn't been commented on.
MODERATOR: Do you want to talk about the
cohabitation. The question was, "will making it harder to enter or
leave marriage unintentionally drive up rates of cohabitation and
thereby undermine the very goal that we achieve?"
COMMENTS BY SCOTT STANLEY
I think that is probably a good bet of an
effect and it is one of the things that should be tracked, where we
are looking at the effects of legal changes - the cohabitation
rate. However, I would say in addition to that, I think that the
cohabitation rate as it skyrockets is more profoundly an effect of
a culture that no longer values marriage. Again, I would come back
to where I ended, that if we get to a culture that raises the value
of the institution of marriage and can get over the sense that by
doing that we are somehow putting down everybody else. It is okay
to not put somebody else down and say this is preferred or this is
better society - at least it seems to me that should be okay. So, I
think that is crucial. One little tidbit I'll say, by the say.
There is some suggestion of the polling data that Howard and I have
that if there is such a thing as the commitment-phobic male, where
they mostly land is in the longterm cohabiting relationships. I
think what really happens is that some of these women are
unfortunate enough to talk some of these guys down to the altar and
there you go. I mean, they don't do well. I am talking long-term
cohabitation. COMMENTS BY
(female)________________________
I'm interested in the Arizona comment
because I followed all of that very well and Ara Elman is someone I
know professionally. Of course, he wrote for the Phoenix newspaper.
I am interested though, again, as I was at the ACLU, why anybody
would be opposed to a choice that is offered to people. It is not
being imposed on anyone.
The second thing is, I would agree totally
with Scott. I cannot imagine that cohabitation would increase any
more than they already have. The reason they have is because
marriage means nothing. Marriage is about the most fragile,
poorly-treated relationship we have in law, so what is the point of
marriage. If anything, I would think that a voluntary optional
choice you would have with a covenant marriage would, if we
publicize it at least, then restore some notion of marriage as this
incredibly unique institution for rearing of children and in that
way, even if there are small barriers - and I would call them road
bumps, not barriers to marriage. If you are talking even about a
four-hour mandatory premarital counseling, that it does restore
marriage to a very unique position. I cannot imagine that it would
be any worse than it is now.
COMMENTS BY SCOTT STANLEY
Just a real brief comment, as long the mic
is here. One of the things that I think would be interesting to see
if it would happen........the part of me that thinks the marriage
rate lowering in this context may not be bad is, if there were more
marriages that a higher percentage were actually doing well, even
in the context of fewer marriages, it may in and of itself have
some element of rehabilitating the image of the institution. I
don't know how it would work, but it is an interesting thought to
me.
COMMENTS BY MIKE MCMANUS
I think we all bear some responsibility
for the cohabitation rate as it is, because we have not been
articulate about the consequences of it. I mean, I cannot remember,
and I prescribe to Time, Newsweek and US News, New York Times,
Washington Post and Washington Times. I cannot remember a story,
other than the ones I have written, indicating that cohabitation is
deleterious to marriage. (Wade Horn did a piece too). What I am
saying is, there is not much being published about this and we have
a responsibility to talk about that - those of us who know
something about the data - to the reporters we have access to, to
make a case for marriage and to say that cohabitation as a trial
marriage is a disastrous way to trial it. Yet, we have a ninefold
increase in cohabitation rates since 1960 and it is time to stand
up against it.
COMMENTS
BY__________________________________
I would also quickly say, there are
examples of institutions where raising the entry requirements and
increasing the level of discipline and commitment that is required,
actually increases the desire of people to participate in it.
Anybody who has looked at church history over the last several
generations will see that the churches that make the most demands
are the ones that are getting the most new participants, so I don't
think its axiomatic that making something a lot easier to enter
into and leave necessarily makes it more attractive. Sometimes
exactly the opposite can be the case. I don't think that settles
the question, but I just don't think we should make an assumption
about that.
COMMENTS BY: DAVE POPENOE of Rutgers
University. Co-Author: Promises to Keep: Decline and Renewal of
Marriage in America
Just a little bit more on the cohabitation
angle. If you look over the last 50 years, there hasn't been a
single situation that I know of where marriage has been made more
difficult or divorce has been made more difficult, until what we
are hearing today. Yet, the cohabitation rate has gone from
virtually zero to 95 percent in Scandinavia, 50 to 60 percent in
the United States and various inbetween figures in the rest of
Europe, like 70 to 80 percent in most of those countries. If you
look at the different countries and see where cohabitation is
important and where it is less important, the big factor is, what
has happened to marriage. So, if you go to Scandinavia, there is
virtually no benefit today from being married. The institution has
been downgraded and the cohabitation rate is 95% for everybody
going into a marriage. By the way, 25 percent of all couples in a
place like Sweden, are now living outside of marriage and that is
at all ages. In other words, cohabitation there has gradually taken
on the character of an alternative institution to marriage and
that, I fear, is what is going to happen in the United
States.
COMMENTS BY ?
Marriage becomes more and more an
institution that resembles cohabitation.
COMMENTS BY: DAVE POPENOE
continue:
It may sound counter-intuitive, but the
way to beat cohabitation is to strengthen marriage, to privilege
marriage, to give it more benefits.
Finally, let me say that Barbara and I are
currently at work on a major paper on cohabitation. Mike will be
happy to hear this, we are going to get it out to the public and
you will be surprised at what is in there!
COMMENTS BY
________________________________________: You once took the
opposite stand on the matter.
COMMENTS BY: RON DIEHL:
I am from Jonesboro, Arkansas. I am a
Family Life minister as well as a marriage and family therapist. I
am working with some people in Arkansas to look at legislation,
divorce reform and marriage reform. We have been looking at the
Florida law especially. We have been talking some about the choice
that the Louisiana and Arizona laws give. I am wondering about more
comments on incentives. Number one, how much incentive do you think
people need to choose a higher road, if you will? Number two, the
Florida law as we are looking at it requires four hours of
premarital counseling. As somebody who does a lot of premarital
counseling and training of premarital counselors, as well as
marital therapy, my suggestion to our group has been, "that isn't
enough." I struggle with the - what you do as a minimum to make it
inviting for people, versus what is really practical and what is
really going to be helpful for them. I just wondered if any of you
would have any comments on either of these thoughts.
COMMENTS BY MIKE MCMANUS
I'll take one. In our church, we require
that they attend 11 classes of an hour apiece, that they meet with
mentoring couples five times in their homes which takes 10 to 15
hours. They also have to fill out a workbook. The more rigorous the
process is, the more likely it is that the weak relationships will
break apart on their own and the rest will be strengthened to go
the distance. Four hours is too little.
COMMENTS BY SCOTT STANLEY
I agree on the four hours comment. I do
think, just to frame this as a general comment that comes back to
several things, I think the real heart of the battle ultimately
comes back to the public discourse, the value and meaning of
things. Whatever else the effects and the wrangling about the
different effects of policy decisions, I ultimately think we are
going to get the most couples interested if they understand most
dramatically the benefits of doing some of these things. When
people start out their marriage, some of them just are thinking - I
guess I'll just leave that sentence where it lies. But, most of
them want to make it work. A lot of them don't know or they are not
nudged to do some of the things that can help them. Getting that
marriage out more and more, I think, is a really crucial thing so
that couples do have an internal investment and incentive to say,
"you know, we should do this. We want to give our marriage the best
shot possible." Unfortunately, I think so many couples getting
married today have this sense of pessimism going in that nothing
matters. Let's just see if we luck out here or not in the big crap
shoot. Okay, here we go! Or, we don't have any problems.
COMMENTS BY Phyllis Whicher?
Two small questions for Stan. I was a
NICHD the first conference, actually federal government conference
on marriage the other day, and they did go over a lot of the data.
There conclusion was on this cohabitation thing that a lot of
people were concerned or interested as to whether we were going the
direction of Sweden. So far, it looks as if it is not in America.
Rates are higher, but it is still a transitional stage, either to
marriage or to breaking up. So, I just thought put that on the
table. The question mentioned at the conference and I've heard it
said often that these studies that show the negative effects on
marriage, i.e., the higher divorce rates of people who cohabit,
isn't that a self-selection factor? Could you comment on
that?
COMMENTS BY SCOTT STANLEY
Howard and I, for example, would think
that the biggest part of that is a selection effect. The data is
very clear. Dave Popenoe, check with me on our polling data if you
don't have it. The couples that are choosing to cohabitate are the
less religious, the less traditional views of marriage in the first
place. Of course, those people are more likely also to choose
divorce if the marriage gets hard later. However, Mike, there is a
paper that I sent you the abstract on, and I don't know if others
have seen it. It came out in the fall, probably was in the "Journal
of Marriage and Family". It was a brilliant and, I think, beautiful
study, looking for the first time at whether there is actually a
deleterious effect of the process of living together long-term on
views about both marriage and child rearing. Longitudinal research,
as far as I remember and nice methodology. They found that, in
addition to speculating about the selection effect, people that
have more aggregate experience living together prior to marriage,
meaning with either various partners or just amount of time living
together prior to marriage, they can track in longitudinal research
the diminishment of their sense of an attitude that marriage is
special or unique over time through the process of living together.
Also, a diminishment in the sense that having children is anything
worthy to do or valuable. It is fascinating research, because these
are first researchers that went after this whole issue that there
is something beyond just the selection effect that is fairly
obvious going on here.
COMMENTS BY female (not using
mike)___________________
COMMENTS BY DAVID BLANKENHORN
The question was: What do I think state
legislators need to hear in terms of persuasive talking points. I
have testified, but I don't know that it has been that successful
because the laws really haven't been changed in the places where I
have been (Michigan, Pennsylvania and a few other places). I can
answer it in a negative sense in that the two issues that seem to
me to be just conversation stoppers are: (1) It is an imposition of
one value on everybody. That was the genius of Katherine Spaht's
movement and Tony Perkins in Louisiana. It took that away, unless
you just want to insert it anyway, irrespective of the facts. You
know, it is an imposition. The real thing that just stopped the
debate cold is, this will lead to domestic violence against women.
That is the beginning, middle and end of what needs...... I think
the driving issue is the issue of domestic violence. The third
thing that is said is, it doesn't matter. The divorce laws, my
goodness, here in Kansas, we have looked into this and changing the
divorce laws would have no effect because smart people have all
concluded that the law has on influence on this matter. In
Pennsylvania, for example, in your state, that was their principle
reason for doing nothing. They said, well, you could do it, but it
would have no effect on anything. The people who have gone in - me
and other people in this room, more than I have and with more
knowledge than I have, have tried to make arguments to say, you
know, to put some different ideas on the table, but the few
instances, Louisiana, Florida, a couple of other places, they
haven't been successful. I'll stop here. The underlying reason I
think they have not been successful is that public opinion does not
favor substantially moving away from no-fault divorce on demand. If
you ask people in public opinion polls, "Do you thin the divorce
rate is too high." Everybody says, "Absolutely, way to high!" "Do
you think that our current divorce rate is harmful to children and
society." Yes, yes, yes - 80 percent agree. Third question: Is
there anything under heaven, anything you favor that would restrict
the unilateral right to divorce. Answer: No." I am looking at the
state polls in California, Michigan, and Pennsylvania did one.
Everywhere they tried these out, they do these polls. This is where
public opinion is on this. A lot of genuine anxiety over the
effects of the divorce culture. But, a strong unwillingness to
restrict what people have come to view as a right to leave a
marriage when I want to, for any reason I want to - immediately.
This is viewed as a right and to restrict that right is not
supported by most Americans. Therefore, the task that I think falls
upon the Mike McManuses and Scott Stanleys of the world and all of
you and me, is to try to persuade our fellow citizens that there is
a different way of seeing this question. Because right now the
views that I hold on these matters and that you, Phyllis hold, are
not majority opinions and we have a job of persuasion.
COMMENTS BY
__________________________________ The young people favor more
restrictive divorce than old people, I'm sure.
COMMENTS BY
_______________________________________ Thank you very much. It's
time to move to the next sessions. There are 15 minutes.
COMMENTS BY
________________________________________ Very quickly, Mayor
Hardiman, do you want to say something, then we will wrap it
up.
COMMENTS BY MAYOR HARDIMAN
Thank you very much. I am chair of the
Greater Grand Rapids Steering Committee for the community marriage
policy. A few moments ago a good friend of mine talked about
introducing a bill into the state legislature in Michigan, Harold
Vorhes and I thought, oh goodness! people are going to call me and
I didn't want them to. I talked with Ken Sykma who is the House
Minority Leader. He sat down and said, Bill, we appreciate what you
are doing. Is there anything we can do to help. I said, please
don't try to codify anything that we are doing. Here's why. It is
not that Louisiana law, and I think maybe the Florida law, would be
even better, but it's not that those aren't helpful, it is that
just what you said, David. People care so much about their rights
that they don't want those "messed with" - if I can use that
terminology. What we have been trying to do is go to coalition to
strength marriage and not just with the right but with the left - -
with everybody. I talked to some of my liberal friends. I said,
here a marriage policy, will you support it. One of them said,
well, you know it sounds great. I don't have any problem with it,
but he felt uncomfortable - somethings wrong. I don't want to
codify it. We are not trying to codify it. We want commitment
because we think that is really the way to make the
difference.
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EDUCATION, JULY 1998