Resources for rebuilding - and preventing - infidelity.
****For a collection of Sex and Infidelity recordings from the Smart Marriages Conference -
practical advice from the nation's top experts available on CD, MP3 and DVDs. The Sex
sessions are critical - if sex and connection are going well, it can *help* prevent or repair infidelity.
Infidelity - 10 "Pointers" from Shirley Glass, PhD from her Smart Marriages
keynote and workshops: "Not Just Friends: The New Crisis of Infidelity".
Shirley Glass, Psychology Today
Overview of Affairs - Expert Advice from Peggy Vaughan from her Smart Marriages keynote
and book and workshop "The Monogamy Myth".
Prevention Tips - Dave Carder
Feel You're in Love With Another? Advice from Joe Beam
Recovery Tips - Peggy Vaughan
Healing from Infidelity - Michele Weiner-Davis, Parade Magazine
Mating in Captivity - Esther Perel on YouTube
- be sure to also click on Part 2
Forgivness is giving up all hope for a better past and instead inviting hope for a better future.
Refusing to forgive is like drinking poison and hoping the other person will die.
New love is the brightest, and long love is the greatest, but revived love is the tenderest thing known on earth.
- Thomas Hardy
Bad marriages don't cause infidelity; infidelity causes bad marriages.
We had light flings with others – barely anything more than talk; but to us, talk was the deepest form of betrayal.
-Randon Billings Noble
Infidelity flows from a belief that women have the power to make you feel like
a man if you can only find a woman that thinks you're perfect; if you can only
find a woman that you haven't hurt or disappointed yet.
Fidelity is the single most important element in solidly enduring marriages.
I'm tempted to go to all the buildings downtown and put up a sign, "DANGER
ZONE: Men and Women at Work." Today's workplace is the most common breeding ground
for affairs. It's the proximity and collegiality - the intimacy of working together,
not bad marriages, that is the slippery slope to infidelity.
-Shirley Glass, NOT Just Friends
Men's affairs in particular are often the cause of troubled marriages
and not the effect. In my data, 56 percent of men who entered into affairs
said they had ''happy'' or ''very happy'' marriages, compared with 30
percent of women. For men, the strongest predictor for having an affair is
their attitudes and values about monogamy. For women, it's marital unhappiness.
-Shirley Glass, NOT Just Friends
The prevalence of adultery is probably under-reported in divorce statistics.
Lawson and Samson (1988) found that 77% of women and 64%
of men said that adultery had been relevant to separation or divorce, in
comparison with 49% of women and 63% of men who said that adultery
had actually been claimed in their divorces. - Shirley Glass
Click for "must read" books for recovery (and prevention) like: NOT Just Friends by Shirley Glass;
The Monogamy Myth by Peggy Vaughn, After the Affair and How Can I Forgive You? by Janis Spring;
Torn Asunder and Close Calls by Dave Carder; Private Lies and Grow Up! by Frank Pittman;
Divorce Remedy and The Sex-Starved Marriage by Michele Weiner-Davis; Mating in Captivity
by Esther Perel, Getting Past the Affair by Doug Snyder et al, and Couple Sexual Awareness
and Rebuilding Desire by Barry McCarthy. And, try the novels A Man In Full, Tom Wolfe and
Angle of Repose, Wallace Stegner.
Order the classic SHIRLEY GLASS Infidelity DVD Package only $89 -
everything you'd ever want to know about preventing or recovering from infidelity. It includes
her Smart Marriages "Not Just Friends: The New Crisis of Infidelity" keynote plus her
90-minute workshop of the same title. Practical, compassionate and helpful. Package 754-GL.
Order from Playback Now On-line or at 800-241-7785 .
These sessions, along with her book, will equip you as an infidelity expert - help couples, or, help yourself.
To order the book, Not Just Friends: Protect Your Relationship from Infidelity and Heal the Trauma of Betrayal,
for only $17.50 on amazon, click:
RETROUVAILLE - (Retro-VI) "means rediscovery and rhymes with apple pie."
A program for couples with serious problems who are disillusioned, separated and/or
on the brink of divorce. You'll be helped by volunteer couples who have also
"been to the brink" - who have experienced serious problems including affairs ,
alcoholism, gambling, violence, etc or who have simply fallen out of love - but who
have worked their way back. They'll teach you how to fall back in love again and
heal you own marriage & make it stronger than ever before. This successful program
(85% when both partners work at it) teaches simple communication techniques plus
exercises to work on forgiveness, healing, and restoration of trust. Begins with a weekend
followed by 12 meetings over three months. These are not spiritual retreats, sensitivity groups,
seminars or social gatherings - there are no counselors involved and you don't have
to say anything in front of anyone else. Couples discuss the topics and practice the
skills in private. No fee, blank-envelope-donation system. Open to couples
of all faiths and to the non-religious. To find a program in your area:
BAN - Beyond Affairs Network
Anne and Brian Bercht, Leaders beginning June 2006, successors
to founcers Peggy and James Vaughan (dearpeggy.com). BAN is an International
Support Group with local chapters for people recovering from the devastating
experience of a spouse’s affair. Anne is author of My Husband’s Affair
Became the Best Thing That Ever Happened to Me. Anne and Brian offer
seminars and workshops for healing from affairs and marriage enrichment as
well as relationship coachingby phone or in person. Their website offers
resources for recovery including free articles and newsletters.
Divorce Busting Center
Michele Weiner-Davis author of Divorce Busting and Divorce Remedy
offers skill-building workshops, DVD and CD programs, books, and
telephone consultations to help couples improve their relationships quickly.
Support forum on the site.
800-664-2435 or 815-337-8000
DearPeggy.com - Extramarital Affairs Resource Center
Peggy Vaughan's website is a clearinghouse for information
about Extramarital Affairs. It includes over 160 free articles,
links to other websites, a list of effective helpers, book reviews,
and 450 of Peggy's responses to questions, and James and Peggy's
8 books in PDF format for immediate download. Peggy is best
known for The Monogamy Myth, her groundbreaking book on
affairs. Peggy also offers one-time-only telephone consulting.
Torn Asunder: Recovering from Extramarital Affairs book and workbook
Dave Carder, MFT. This 90-day process will help you
stabilize your relationship after infidelity enabling you to
make decisions appropriate for both yourselves and your children. Learn
together how to review of your history, learn the process
of forgiveness, the rebuilding of respect and trust, and the development
of effective conflict resolution skills. Also see Close Calls: What Adulterers
Want You to Know About Preventing Infidelity that identifies high-risk situations
and guidelines for avoiding the slippery-slope to infidelity. Includes
the “Dangerous Partner Profile” and vulnerabilities.
This ongoing workshop for marriages in crisis provided by LovePath
International and facilitated by Joe Beam uses a combination of lecture,
individual work, and group dynamics. It invites the straying spouse to attend
even if they have yet to stop the affair or have made no promises to do so.
The success rate, as researched by Augusta State University,
is 3 of 4 marriages saved that would have most likely ended in divorce.
866-903-0990 or (615) 472-1161
John Gray's Marsvenus.com has a FREE forum message board with a section on infidelity.
Receive/offer support to/from other people from all over the world who have
The Third Option
This ongoing marriage enrichment/marriage crisis group program uses a drop-in
format, skill building and sharing by couples who have overcome difficulties
including infidelity. Self-contained manual & videos make the program easy to implement
in your church or community - no training requred. For couples or
individuals at any stage from engaged to long-married. Start a group in your
congregation or community.
Pat Ennis, MSW
COMPASSION WORKSHOPS & Power Love: Anger & Violence Regulation
Steven Stosny, PhD
Educational programs for Self-Regulation - an add-on to any marriage education
program for detection, treatment and prevention of emotional or physical abuse.
Fighting Divorce resources
Domestic Violence page
Programs and classes to rebuild and strengthen your marriage
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